LR
by the Divine Nataku
Summary: Slightly AUMilly and Meryl come face to face with the man who will change their views of Vash forever Legato Bluesummers.
1. Bad Day

July 2, 2004

Hey-o, minna-san! How's everybody doing? I hope summer vacation is going well for everyone. With all the training I've been receiving at work, I'm fast becoming a Jack (or Jackie) of all trades. While that means more money, it's also very tiring. I've been so wiped out I really haven't had much energy (or time) to work on any of my longer works.

Miss Chang Po – Tsk tsk... that's such a shame...

::gives her a look:: Hey, I haven't seen any updates from you either...

Miss Chang Po - Hey! I work, too, ya know! Or as Chichiri would say, 'No da?'

::sighs heavily:: Riiight.... Anyway, if you guys remember, some time back I wrote a Trigun two-parter entitled "Scars". In the author's note (at least I think it was in that one) I mentioned I had been working on another Trigun ficlet that had yet to really get off the ground. Anyway... in case you were wondering this is that fic. Again, it's kinda AU – it takes place after the dreaded episode 23 ("Sin" I believed it was called?... I dunno) and spans up and through "LR". Anyway, as always, I hope you read and enjoy. Reviews are always appreciated. )

**LR**

by Nataku-chan

Prologue

It had been Milly's idea to go after him. Out of the blue, she had ceased her grieving to emerge from her room looking more determined than I had ever seen her.

"Are you really ready to let him go, Sempai?" she had asked me.

I, to say the least, had been at a loss for words. Or perhaps Milly had just been impervious to my weak logic. Go figure. So what if he was a wanted outlaw who had just gone off in search of his megalomaniacal brother who was responsible for all of his suffering? If you cared about someone, you should let that person know, right?

In face of her reasoning, I could only nod weakly. Even in the face of such desperation, Milly still remained so resilient and headstrong. Far stronger than I myself, I thought woefully.

'_Both Milly and Vash-san have just experienced such suffering,_' I thought to myself. '_And yet they keep going... I just don't understand..._'

It wasn't as if I wasn't also grieving Wildwood's passing, but the two of them seemed still so sure of themselves and the paths they had to take while I remained lost. Why couldn't I react with the obliviousness that they seemed to scrounge up so easily? Was there some sort of secret trick to it? How was it they managed to remain so steadfast? Could I ever find that strength within myself? **Would** I ever find it?

Wolfwood was dead.

His sarcasm and razor sharp wit that could slip through your defenses, like Milly with her startling perceptions and refreshing honesty, had been one of the few things in this sad world to succeed in wheedling a genuine smile out of Vash.

And now, he was gone.

I just knew it the moment said outlaw entered the room. There had been no tears, none of his hysterics or outlandish displays of emotion. In fact, his face was as neutral as I had ever seen it, his expressive eyes obscured behind his infamous orange sunglasses. While I had already feared the worst –come on, I'm not stupid, I heard the gunfight – the Cross Punisher he bore across his shoulders confirmed everything.

I can't recall ever feeling so powerless. Like someone had punched me in the gut and pushed me into a bottomless crevice, despair wrapped itself around me like a wet blanket. There was nothing I could say, nothing I could do to fix the problem. No manual, method, or procedure that would erase the events that had just occurred.

I could do nothing but watch Milly – dear Milly – shatter like a glass bowl as the realization dawned in her sky blue eyes. It was bad enough I was taking the news pretty badly myself, but the moment I laid eyes on my partner, the weight that had settled itself over my chest doubled. It's a feeling I strive to avoid – one I hate more than anything. There were no words I could say to prevent the girl- woman - from fleeing back to the solitude of her room. It would be another hour before the house would be filled with the sound of her heart wrenching cries.

To tell the truth, I wanted to cry, too, but Meryl Strife just does not cry; it's not within my capacity to do so – it just isn't. I wanted to be angry, but what would that prove when I didn't even know who to be angry with? Anger would not bring Nicholas D. Wolfwood back. It wouldn't bring the light back to Vash's eyes. If there were anything I could do, it would be to find answers. After all, that was in essence my job. Part of Risk Prevention was asking questions and finding out why things happened and making sure they didn't.

But still... could I bring myself to ask the questions necessary to get those answers? And if I did, would I like what I would hear?

It turned out I wouldn't have much of a choice in the matter. After yet another failed attempt at consoling Milly – how had I ever called myself her friend?! – I had stumbled across him in the hall. Still decked out in his red coat and tinted glasses, he had assured me that Milly would be fine in due time.

In due time? Who was he kidding? Wolfwood was dead! How could I be fine? How could he be fine? How would anyone be fine?

I have to admit my emotions had threatened to get the better of me then. Looking back on it I realize how childish I must have seemed. I stormed up to him stomping my feet, pounding listlessly on his broad chest, demanding to know what was going on. Why did trouble follow him so relentlessly? Why did all these bad things continue to happen to him? What could such a gentle man as him have done to warrant such suffering?

At first he had remained silent, allowing me to beat at him as he always does – as he must have relentless others. His expression remained still hidden behind sunglasses I wanted so desperately to snatch off and break. Why did he always have to hide from me? Why could he never just... if he dared laugh and write me off as being bitchy again...

But no, he had merely lowered my fists, and told me – everything. He told me about Project Seeds. He told me about Rem, his surrogate mother, and the beliefs she instilled in him. How she raised him, a now 130-year-old Plant – a being who existed outside of time – to value all life and the right they had to exist. He also told me about Knives. He told me about July, about Augusta - how his own brother was responsible not only for the death of the woman who meant everything to him, but also for the Great Fall that had nearly wiped out all of humanity.

He had explained all of this so calmly, seemingly unaware of the tears threatening to pool in my eyes. How could anyone endure all of that and remain the way he was? Even if it was unnecessary, even if it was unwarranted, unwanted, I wanted so badly to reach out to him – to help him, to, to...

He paused, taking a deep breath before turning away from me. He reached for his bag, slinging it over his shoulder so casually. How could he be so calm? I just didn't understand.

"Now, if you don't mind," Why? Why was he doing this? "I'd like to be alone right now."

He'd walked towards the door so casually, past I, as if I'd just finished asking him the time.

And then he left, just like that.

And just like that, I had let him.

I thought it had been the worse day of I life. Little did I know how soon I would realize how wrong I was.

Author's Notes –

(Sept. 21) Wow... so much for summer. As you can probably tell, I've been sitting on this fic for quite a while. To be completely honest, I felt a little bad writing another fic while I still have so many unfinished. However, rest assured this one will be very brief (I'm working on the last chap as we speak) and I will be getting back to work on my other pieces shortly. In the meantime, read and enjoy!

3 R's of fanfiction, guys... keep 'em at heart.


	2. Enter Sandman

Disclaimer – Uhm... ::shuffles her feet uneasily:: Trigun isn't mine. ::turns away from the camera:: Gahhh! I'm so ashamed!

Miss Chang Po - ...Eh?

**LR**

Chapter 1

I had managed to at least put up a brave front on Milly's behalf. I was almost positive the she saw right through it – as she usually did – but said nothing in favor of focusing on the task at hand. Vash had only left an hour or two prior to us – if we traveled light and made very few stops, we could manage to catch up to him quickly.

"And then we can bring Vash-san back with us and things will get back to normal!" Milly had chirped cheerfully.

But things would never be the same – both of us knew it. I wasn't exactly sure what would happen when we found him, but of one thing I was sure – we would find him, no matter what it took. I had lost him once...

"There you go, Sempai," Milly's voice came softly. My partner was standing beside me, a quiet smile on her face. Though it was nothing like her usual radiant smiles, it was an improvement. In her cornflower blue eyes was a look of understanding. "There's that determination we're all so used to seeing." I merely blinked at her. "It's good to have you back, Sempai."

Back? I could only stare at her dumbfounded. She was a wreck – an emotional mess. It was a miracle she was even standing here with me, couldn't she see that?

Milly stared ahead. "My middle big sister once told me," she replied. "That sometimes to cope with pain, we have to focus on the bigger picture."

"Channel it into something useful?" I replied softly.

"That's what you always do, isn't it, Sempai?" Milly asked. "It's how you managed to be so successful in life."

I laughed ruefully. "I see nothing successful about my life," I replied. "I think now I realize how much a waste it has all been." I could see my partner watching me silently out of the corner of my eye. "I think back on all the things I've done and how much I've missed out on. Now that everything seems like it falling apart, I don't think I can take it."

Milly shook her hand and smiled. "Don't worry, Sempai," she replied. "I know you'll be just fine. You're a strong person."

I stopped, looking down at the sand beneath my feet. The small town was less than a half an Ile behind us. The things that had happened there - the four of us happy together - it seemed so far away. "How can you be sure?" I asked, jumping slightly when I felt a hand on my shoulder. "I don't feel strong at all."

"You wouldn't be here otherwise." Milly turned back to face me. "He's important to you, isn't he, Sempai? Without him with us, nothing seems the same anymore, does it?"

I felt a lump rise in my throat. "Oh... Milly..."

"So it's like my Big-big Sister always says, 'If you care about a person, it's important to let them know,'" Milly's eyes were so bright and sincere. "Sometimes you don't get another chance."

_Carpe Diem, _seize the day. Looking up at her with wavering eyes, I could only nod. "I will tell him, Milly, I promise." I gave her a shaky smile, or at least I think I did. "I won't let you down."

"Oh, don't do it for me, Sempai," Milly exclaimed. "Do it for you!" She leaned forward, speaking in a stage-whisper, "Oh, but do it for Vash-san, too! He needs you to keep him from getting into so much trouble."

"Right," I replied with a nod. "I'll do it." I turned forward only to be met with the blunt end of a rifle. After a brief, white flash of pain, everything went dark.

Everything was still dark. Void of any emotion, Vash stood before me shrouded in darkness.

"..._Now, if you don't mind... I'd like to be alone right now_..."

The more desperately I reached for him, the farther out of my reach he seemed to be. Before long the blonde gunman was nowhere to be seen. '_No, Vash... don't go. Don't go alone...don't go alone... don't leave me alone...!_'

I opened my eyes to endless sand. Light entered my vision, making way to blinding pain. With a groan of discomfort I recalled the blow the head I had received just before blacking out. But why...? Bandits maybe, thieves perhaps? Who would do such a thing?

((So... you're awake.))

'_Who?_' My eyes widened, and despite the vertigo I was experiencing by doing so, forced myself into a sitting position. "Milly?"

I spotted her sprawled out in the sand a few feet away, sporting a nice bruise on her forehead – most likely a victim of the same treatment I myself had received.

((Very good detective work. You've figured at the What and the How...)) I whipped my head around. There was nothing around but rocks and sand; where was the voice coming from? ((Now all that's left to determine is the Who and the Why?))

Yanking back my cloak, I whipped out two of my derringers trying to get a bead on the mysterious voice. "Who's there?" I called out keeping a constant vigil on our surroundings. "And what do you want?"

The voice 'tsk'ed, ((Now, now... that would be too easy.))

I gasped as an image of a man came unbidden to my mind. There was a man unlike any I've ever seen. His dark blue hair, contrasted against his large white overcoat with spikes and skull-like shoulder pad. His expression was gaunt and his golden eyes seemed to pierce through my mind. I knew who he was almost immediately.

"Sempai..." Milly's voice whispered hesitantly. Could she see him, too?

Yes, Vash had spoken of him – only once of course – on the bus to May City. He had claimed we had been there when he first appeared, but neither of us had had any recollection of the meeting. Besides, back then I wasn't to quick to believe anything he said, but seeing him now... Had he found a way to alter our memories somehow?

(( The human mind is... so frail and fragile... so easy to manipulate.))

Before I could respond, Milly let out a high-pitched shriek. I whipped my head around to find my partner huddled in a ball, cringing in pain.

"Oh my God..." I forced myself to my feet. God, it hurt to move. "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" I exclaimed.

"Nicholas..." Milly whimpered. "Nicholas... Nicholas... Nicholas..."

"Milly..." I called out.

(( Oh yes, she was fond of the priest... how unfortunate. )) The Voice replied. (( It's always strange to see how the human psyche reacts when faced with the truth. ))

"Truth? What truth?" I exclaimed. "Do you mean to tell me that you're the one responsible for Wolfwood's death?"

(( Man is ultimately responsible for his own demise... we are flawed, you see. ))

"You admit that you're human..." I murmured. "And yet you work for Knives?!"

(( I am a servant who carries out his will, yes. You truly are a credit to your organization, Meryl Stryfe. ))

My hand automatically went for one of my derringers. "How the hell do you know my name?"

(( You have been traveling with the infamous Humanoid Typhoon. Did you not think you would not attract our attention? ))

"You and the Gung Ho Guns..." I spat.

Milly let out another wail, spurring me to rush to her side. "Milly, snap out of it!" I exclaimed. Angrily I turned my head to the skies. How dare he treat my friends this way! "Why don't you leave her alone? She's never done anything to anyone!"

(( Perhaps not directly, but she did consort with a murderer. How can someone who is sworn to protect the interests of their fellow men condone the killing of a child? ))

Swallowing hesitantly, I clenched my hands securely around my pistol. "It wasn't like that... he was trying to protect us." I cried out.

(( So you, too, feel he has the right to kill as he sees fit? Curious. ))

"Look, you jerk, it's not like that!" My head still hurt like hell, but it seemed my infamous temper was the only thing keeping me on my feet - hurray. "And you have no right to talk what with all the lives Knives has taken! I know he was the one responsible for the Great Fall!"

(( An action that was for the greater good. ))

"Oh yeah? And who is Knives to decide what the greater good is?"

(( You should not speak ill of my master so, )) the voice cautioned, his voice still in the same dull monotone. (( He is above us – superior. ))

"Superior my ass!" I yelled. "No one has the right to take the life of another! No one!"

There was a period of silence. This Bernardelli agent looked around hesitantly. Before I knew what was happening, I felt a sharp pain inside my head, forcing me into sub consciousness. As I lay there in the sand, I remained unaware of the group of villagers approaching upon me.

End Chapter 1


	3. Fade to Black

Author's Notes – Things aren't looking so good for the girls from Bernardelli. Will they manage to get out of this one unscathed, or will the damage be much worse than they can imagine?

**LR**

Chapter 2

"Sempai! Sempai please wake up! Sempai!"

I opened my eyes, startled out of a pain-filled haze by another scream. Craning my head, I looked up just in time to see Milly land right beside me. Seeing me conscious, Milly's eyes lit up with relief.

"Oh, Sempai, thank goodness!" she exclaimed. "I was so worried!"

_She_ was worried...? I took into account the dirt and mud covering my partner's clothes as well as the new bruise she sported on her cheek. "Milly..." I trailed off, spotting the crowd of villagers hovering over us. "What the...?" I stumbled to my feet only to have them knocked from underneath me. I tumbled backwards into the sand, letting out a gasp of surprise as I looked up at my attackers. "What the hell...? Just what do you people think you're doing?"

"Oh, Sempai," Milly moaned. "They won't answer, I tried already." She looked pleadingly into the faces of our captors once again but gained no response. "There's something wrong with them!"

"I'll say..." I trailed off, staring up at the villagers standing closest to me. I frowned in confusion when I was met with only vacant stares. "What...?"

One of the younger men rushed forward, kicking me down once again. Milly screamed.

"Sempai!!"

The two of us then lay side by side, facing down the barrel of an old Winchester. A shot was fired near our heads, sending sand everywhere. Both of us cried out in fear.

"Monster..." I groaned, spitting sand out of my mouth. Part of me was still frightened while the other part was pissed at having admitted to the former. "He's controlling them!"

"What?" Milly's eyes were light with confusion and worry. "But I don't understand... why would he do such a terrible thing?"

"Why else?" I spat, forcing myself to my knees to fight back the sense of nausea. "He's trying to make a point!"

"Do you mean to say he's trying to hurt Vash-san by attacking us somehow?"

I cursed inwardly, glaring at our captors with as much vehemence I could muster. It didn't help matters but at least it helped me feel a little bit better. Deep down I knew it wasn't their fault really, but it wasn't as this was the first time we had earned hostility due to our affiliation with a certain lone gunman.

'_Honestly... do they think us so incapable of handling ourselves that they would use us as bait to lure him out?_'

(( On the contrary...)) The voice of Legato Bluesummers – somehow the name had come to me whilst I was unconscious – entered my mind again, halting the mindless mob in their tracks. (( That was not my intention at all. ))

"Oh really? Care to enlighten us?" I paused, a glint in the sand catching my eye. Looking down, I spotted the derringer I had had in my hand before passing out. "What...?"

(( Curiosity, Ms. Stryfe. My master has professed a certain curiosity about you. ))

I wasn't sure if I should be frightened or not.

(( Vash the Stampede is a wanted criminal responsible for damage and destruction in nearly over a dozen cities. Devastation follows this man wherever he goes and yet strangely enough, so do you. ))

"It's our job to follow him." I ground out, not at all pleased by how he spoke of Vash, though I was aware the same words had once passed over my own lips.

(( Certainly there are less dangerous jobs. ))

Pig. "Vash is not dangerous."

(( He is a superior being who lives outside of time. ))

"But he's still Vash!" Milly exclaimed. She then gasped when one of the villagers standing over her swung down at her with a pitchfork. Quick to act, I rushed over to shield her only to take the hit myself. Damnation.

(( Whom you both first thought of as a criminal – the outlaw worth sixty billion double dollars. ))

Biting back on the pain, I assured my partner I was all right before refocusing my attention on the voice. "Maybe so," I replied, silently apologizing for every ill word I ever spoke of Vash before meeting him. "But Vash is still a good person."

(( Good and evil are irrelevant. Actions say so much more. ))

A man dressed in denim overalls stumbled towards Milly, yanking her back by her hair. She let out a scream and reached out to punch him only to have her arm pinned painfully behind her back.

"Milly!" I cried out, raising my derringer.

"No, Sempai, don't!" Milly exclaimed. "You know they're being controlled – they can't help what they're doing!"

She was right, of course. They had no control over their action, how could I possibly hold them responsible?

(( And so we are at an impasse. ))

I could almost detect a hint of amusement in his tone. Slowly I lowered my gun, dropping it into the sand. What choice did I have really? Two men lumbered towards me like puppets on strings, pinning my arms behind me in a similar fashion to Milly.

With my arms held in such an awkward angle, I did my best not to cry out. Instead, I focused the pain into anger – a practice I was well accustomed to, as you may already know. I hang out with the Humanoid Typhoon for crying out loud.

"You are a sick man," I gritted out, hoping Legato could see the disgust clearly shown on my face. "How dare you try to play with people's minds as if they mean nothing to you?! You as a human being should know better!"

(( Perhaps, but knowing the difference between right and wrong is irrelevant. It is human nature to sin. )) He paused as if to let me digest his words. (( If you don't believe me, ask Vash. ))

"What?" I replied.

(( You say Vash is a good man... and yet you do not realize. ))

"Realize what?" I ventured.

(( He has been around humans so long... he has become the worst sinner of them all!))

"That's not true!" Milly sobbed before getting shoved down into the sand.

"You're a liar!" I screamed, starting to lose my composure. All of this was wrong. I tried to lash out at our captors, coming up short as I could feel Legato's eerie presence invading my mind, bombarding multiple images upon my psyche.

"_I've got one bullet left_," He spun the chamber mockingly, pointing up towards his opponent. "_It could be my special._"

"_They're dead! All the people are dead_!" Aqua eyes burned with rage behind orange sunglasses. The barrel of his gun glistened in the moonlight as he glared hatefully down at the prone form beneath him. "_You are the sole person responsible and you deserve to die!_"

I clenched my eyes shut. Yes, I remembered those moments all too clearly, and I knew what Legato was trying to do.

"_ ... total slaughter, I won't leave anyone left alive_."

He was showing me Vash the Stampede through everyone else's eyes, through the eyes of people who saw him as the Humanoid Typhoon, the great destroyer, the taker of lives... the man who was no longer a man, but a monster.

"..._an ocean of blood... Let's begin the killing time_..."

July... Augusta... the floating Seeds ship... the Fifth Moon... they had all been laid to waste because of him. People had died because of him.

'_It's not his fault..._' I kept telling myself as a mantra. '_He never meant for any of that_ _to happen!_'

"_What's more important to you, your job or your life?_"

The Diablo... that was how Monev the Gale had described him that night. Had I not known him better I probably would have agreed; his eyes had been like blue fire blazing in the pits of Hades.

"_Stay away from me_!"

Vash was not like other men; he was far beyond my comprehension. How could I hold him to the standards of society? I had seen him show so many sides to all the people we had met in our journeys. How could I be sure that I could...

'_No_,' I screamed in my head. '_Vash would never_—'

(( Deceive you? ))

I opened my eyes, looking up in terror. Standing before me just as Monev had described stood the legendary outlaw himself; blue eyes blazing behind orange sunglasses, spiked blonde hair contrasting against the red coat billowing in the darkness.

"Vash..." I could barely get my vocal chords to function properly. The man standing before me was nothing like the one I thought I knew. There was nothing in him that even felt remotely like the person I had come to know. "Vash..." I tried again. "What are you..."

_Who are you...? _**What**_ are you...?_

From the folds of his trench coat he revealed his silver gun, aiming it straight at me.

"_ ... total slaughter, I won't leave anyone left alive_."

'_Stop it! That was just a stupid song! Vash would never!_'

I could hear the resounding click of the safety being removed from the trigger. I stared up at the blonde figure before me, fear evident in my eyes. Legato's words echoed endlessly in my mind, numbing my body to the pain of my injuries.

All that mattered was the man standing in front of me.

I stared up at him, long and hard, blatantly ignoring the glistening weapon staring me in the face. I closed my eyes.

Legato laughed.

Milly screamed.

Was any of this really happening? The voice in my head was even louder now. I took a deep breath. "Vash..."

No one has the right to take the life of another. I had told Legato those same words, and he had turned them against me – against Vash. He had tried to twist my perception of him – to make me see him as others saw him.

He had succeeded, but not in the way he wanted.

I had seen the Vash that appeared before me in flashbacks. The Stampede. The Humanoid Typhoon with the 60 billion double-dollar reward. The Walking Disaster labeled an act of God. The Diablo with the eyes of blue fire. The outlaw with the gun pointed directly at me.

The man with tears in his eyes.

A shot rang out and everything fell silent.


	4. The Clincher

Author's Notes – It seems the awful spell has been lifted, but what does that mean for all those involved?

**LR**

Chapter 3

Legato Bluesummers was dead. I would never forget the sight of him – the smile that had been on his face. Had his death been a release for him, or another way to make Vash suffer?

And yes, suffer he had. Somehow along the way, I had come to realize that despite all the trouble he endured, Vash had made it a rule not to endanger the lives of others – not even an enemy. He would not take the life of another.

Legato had been the first. His life extinguished by Vash's hands alone.

Perhaps there was more to it; then again, maybe not. To this day I am almost certain the whole thing had been planned. Wolfwood had always cautioned Vash of no-win situations; of how there would come a time when he could not resolve a situation passively. Vash would usually laugh it off, or there were the rare occasions when his true emotions would show through and he would adamantly defend his belief.

His words from the first time they met suddenly came to mind...

"_To be honest, I disapprove of suicide more than anything_."

Naturally Vash would always take responsibility for the deaths he had caused indirectly, but this time it had been he who had pulled the trigger.

Up until that point, the outlaw had always believed there was a non-killing solution.

He was a man that constantly put others' needs before his; looking out for the safety of others was more simply important than his own well being. He always took on pain so others wouldn't have to suffer. He made sacrifice after sacrifice so that others wouldn't have to. I respected him for it. I also hated him for it.

So of course, when everything had ended, we were stunned. It was almost as if the awful curse had been lifted. We had been awakened from a terrible nightmare. The moment the shot had been fired the villagers surrounding us had collapsed to the ground. Fearing the worst – me especially – we'd hurriedly removed ourselves from under the pile of unconscious bodies to receive the shock of our lives.

There had been a brief moment when I thought it was Legato who had fired. In efforts to protect the townspeople – to protect us – I feared Vash had made the ultimate sacrifice...

A life for a life.

To protect us from Legato Vash had taken Legato's life.

This made me right of course, just not in the way I had expected. There had been a sacrifice – a life had indeed been lost. For what Milly and I had witnessed was a terrible and tragic death. The death of a madman's pawn, the death of an honest man's spirit.

000

"Hey,"

Meryl froze at her typewriter, nearly falling out of her chair. Gripping the desk for balance she looked back to find herself face to face with the Humanoid Typhoon himself, Vash the Stampede.

Heat shot up her face, tinting it a bright pink. She pushed herself forward, using her body to shield her work from view. "V-Vash-san!" she shrieked. "Just what do you think you're—?!"

Aquamarine eyes that had seemed to be focused elsewhere met her violet eyes with startling clarity. She froze, noting the intensity in his gaze. She blinked in curiosity. "Vash-san...?"

He blinked, seemingly realizing their closeness before backing away. "Sorry 'bout that," he laughed nervously. Was he blushing? "You didn't hear me the first couple of times so I..."

"Oh," Meryl looked away, embarrassed at her own initial reaction and forcing herself not to dwell on it. Just what was he doing in her room anyway? She turned away from him, doing her best to sound disinterested. "Did you... need something?"

Vash seemed to be a little hurt with her impassive response, but he shook it off, pasting a goofy grin on his face. Somehow, he was determined to go through with this. "Actually I was getting a bit bored cooped up in the house all day..."

Of course... he never came to her unless he wanted something. Grinding her teeth in frustration, she kept her gaze steadfast at the wall. If she could burn holes through it, would she be tempted to turn her gaze back on him? "Of course, you twit," she ground out. "The weather outside was terrible! If you had gone you probably would have gotten yourself into a whole lot of trouble!"

"Yeah..." He sighed overdramatically. "Just the way my luck runs, isn't it?"

Meryl sighed. The weather had been more than just terrible the past couple of days. An awful sandstorm had come through making it just too dangerous to even attempt to go outside. So naturally, a weather warning had been declared and most people had decided to keep indoors – just as she had. Nothing out of sort had happened; everyone in the house had managed to coexist with one another without incident. She hadn't had to beat Vash up once.

It was all a ruse, of course; she beat up on him to make sure he would never realize how she much she cared for him. She yelled at him for saying ridiculous things so that he wouldn't notice how she practically hung on every word he spoke. She remained in close proximity to him only in necessity lest she be tempted to do something she would likely regret. Thank goodness he didn't realize how hard she'd fallen for him – it was pathetic!

Old broom head was still blathering on. "...what with the sandstorm and all but now that it's stopped I was thinking about getting out and doing something..."

But of course, it was just typical –once the weather cleared up he would be back to bar hopping and skirt chasing once more. She had expected it of course, but not even she liked being right all the time. Was her company that awful?!

"...with you."

She blinked, looking back at him. "What?"

Vash shifted uneasily under her gaze. Why was she looking at him as if he had grown a second head? Laughing nervously, he scratched his head absently. "I was wondering if you wanted to get out of the house and do something." She was still staring at him. "Nothing special really – you know, maybe take a walk or something!" He continued to laugh, oblivious to the sweat bead rolling down the back of her head.

'_Crap... she's gonna say no... what do I do, what do I do_?'

The cogs in Meryl's brain were quickly turning. She looked up at him in disbelief. "You want to take a walk..." Vash nodded eagerly. "With me?"

"Yeah," he replied. "It's not like there's anyone else around..." He trailed off, a look of panic skirting across his face.

Meryl could tell that hadn't come out the way he had wanted so she let it slide. Rising out of her seat, she stretched her limbs before turning back towards him. "Okay."

000

The second sun was just beginning to set as Vash and Meryl walked through the small town of New Boise. Small reminders of the storm were still prevalent in the windswept debris scattered across the ground covered by a thick layer of sand. The pair paid no attention to this, as it would be back to its normal neatness by tomorrow.

Meryl's focus was on her work, or rather the subject of her work. With no disasters to report to the agency, the insurance agent had discovered an abundance of free time outside of her job at the local café. So, feeling herself a master of penmanship, Meryl had taken to writing. Following Milly's example, Meryl had written to multitude of letters to her parents in Albuquerque City and to her two brothers back in December assuring them she was not on her deathbed – receiving a letter from her would naturally lead them to assume such things – and that she was in no danger – well, in a manner of speaking – living in the company of the Humanoid Typhoon.

More often that not her mind continued to wander to him at the most inopportune times. He was always with her, whether she wanted him to be or not. Their time in LR had revealed a new side to him – she had witnessed him at his most vulnerable point. In his moment of turmoil he had seemed more human to her than any other person she had or would ever meet. He was a good man, an honest man. A soul with the purest heart she had ever seen. And as she had hid behind his door, listening to his anguished cries she had decided then and there that she would believe in him.

No matter the situation, her belief in him would always be resolute so that he would never doubt his choices again.

And so she did. When staring down an angry mob, standing in the line of gunfire of those who questioned his actions, Meryl had come to a startling resolution. She loved him.

Meryl Stryfe was in love with Vash the Stampede.

End Chapter 4

Author's Notes – Wow! How about that for ya? Now that Meryl knows the truth, how will she go about breaking it to Vash? The end is on its way, folks. Keep a look out.

And remember the 3 R's of fanfiction! They're good for ya!


	5. King of Pain

Disclaimer – Trigun belongs to the honorable Nightow-sama... not me. So don't sue!

Chapter 4

Vash was doing everything in his power not to grin from ear to ear. It seemed as if he had managed the impossible – spending time with Meryl without getting beat up! It was a miracle!

Big deal, a voice in his head taunted. You're walking down an empty street with no one around to bear witness. Besides, why would they care anyways?

Vash whimpered internally. His inner voice could be pretty mean when it wanted to be. And he'd thought Wolfwood – rest his soul – was bad...

There's nothing spectacular about walking, it went on. You may as well be walking by yourself if she's not talking to you!

'_Good point,_' He glanced over at the short brunette walking alongside him. He allowed himself a small smile; she was really quite the looker when she wasn't so worked up and angry. Small, petite form, short black hair framing a heart shaped face. She seemed lost in thought, her stormy eyes slightly clouded over as they viewed something far away.

Apparently she didn't see the trashcan jutting up out of the sand right in her path.

Vash sputtered in surprise, rushing forward to intervene. "Hey, look out!"

000

Meryl found her world tilting on its axis as she fell forward. The trashcan had caught her completely by surprise, sending her flailing and wind milling like the cartoons you saw in a Nickelodeon. Struggling to regain her footing and then resigning herself to a lost cause, she closed her eyes waiting to hit the sand.

"Hey, take it easy now," Arms wrapped themselves around her, supporting her weight so she could reclaim her footing. She looked up to sea green eyes smiling down at her. Astonished, she merely blinked. "Who knows what's beneath all this sand. Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."

She righted herself, never breaking her gaze. "..Wouldn't want me... to get hurt...?"

His smile turned to confusion. "Of course not... what kind of gentleman would I be if I did...?"

Right... Vash helped everyone, no matter how trivial the situation. "Thanks."

"No problem." His voice was suddenly gentler... or was she imagining things? "Guess I'm not the only one who's a bit of a klutz."

Her face growing red in indignation, Meryl glared up at him. "Excuse me?" she exclaimed. "I'll have you know I am **not** a klutz! I just didn't see that thing with all this stupid sand all over the place."

Vash's expression suddenly grew apologetic. "Sorry about that..." he replied. "Maybe coming out here was a bad idea..."

She blinked, glancing downwards. Though she was standing stably on her own two feet, Vash's arms were still wrapped loosely around her waist. She didn't believe it but she wasn't about to comment on it lest he move them away.

"It's okay, Vash-san." She replied softly, chuckling ruefully. "I wasn't paying attention so I guess that does make me a klutz." He blinked at her, as if admitting he was right was something totally unexpected. "Besides, I wanted to come."

"Really?"

"Of course," She replied, poking him in the chest with her forefinger. "I do like to get out of the house from time to time despite what you might think about me!"

Vash cocked his head slightly, a few strands of gold falling across his brow. "And just what is it you think I think about you?" he asked. His eyes belied his tone, but Meryl didn't seem to notice.

"Oh please," she scoffed, stepping out of his embrace without noticing the slight resistance. Vash stared down at his hands blinkingly before stuffing them into his pockets quickly. Meryl glanced back at him, frowning. "You're not fooling anybody – I know you think I'm some loud, bitchy, bossy old know-it-all who nags at you all the time."

Vash thought about pointing out that he was older than she was but didn't feel like it was something that needed dwelling on, especially in light of what he was about to say.

"Well, you are," The look she gave him was sure to have taken some years off of his life, but before she could speak he continued on. "Sometimes. But I'm grateful for that."

She blinked, turning to face him fully. "Vash-san..."

He smiled at the sympathetic expression that made its way across her countenance. It was amazing how she could change moods so quickly. She seemed to have almost as many sides as he did. She was impressive, that was for sure.

"You and Milly... I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't had you with me..."

Meryl's expression saddened. After all they had been through, Milly was Milly and yet she was still Short Girl. But then, did she have the heart to complain? Wolfwood's death, LR, his climatic battle with his brother Knives followed by his suicide, ... he'd been through so much. Had they really been so helpful to him?

Vash looked down at her, noticing the upset frown forming on her face. "What's wrong...?"

If they hadn't followed him that one time, would it have been possible for there to have been another option? A solution that didn't involve taking a life? Could he have been spared that moment of torture?

"You're thinking about that day..." Meryl blinked. None of them ever mentioned the event specifically... not even now. Perhaps it would always be known as 'That Day'. Vash's gaze was straight ahead, his expression stoic. "Aren't you?"

She stared up at him in bewilderment. "How... did you know...?"

He looked at her with a smile that made her heart clench in pain. It always hurt when it wasn't genuine; you could see it in his eyes. "You always get that look on your face whenever you think about it." His eyes watched her carefully. "It still hurts you...?"

Meryl wasn't sure if he were referring to her injury from the pitchfork or not. She remembered how he had discovered it by accident, not relenting until she had revealed where she had gotten it. After that he'd stayed in his room for three days – just when he seemed to have gotten past the incident, he'd plunged himself back down into self-loathing once again.

And what of Knives? They'd all known he would have to face him eventually. So of course, he had left town one day – Cross Punisher in hand – set in the belief that he could, as he had put it, 'save Knives'. Meryl had been forced to wait and wonder as he battled with his twin that day in attempts to open his eyes, hoping that he would come out victorious and unscathed.

Yet, in a final effort of spite, as Vash had tended to the wounds his brother had sustained at his hands, Knives had pulled his own gun, thus taking his own life.

Two steps forward, five steps back.

She sighed, staring up at the stars that were just beginning to show through the clouds. How small they made her seem. Did Vash ever feel insignificant in comparison to their wonder?

Vash never lifted his gaze from her, waiting for her to respond. She could feel his eyes on her as if willing her to speak. When it seemed she had no intention of doing so, he decided to be the one to break the silence.

"It hurt me..." he replied. "Every time I think about it, it hurts..."

"Vash-san..." She sucked in a breath. Had they made the wrong choice? "I..."

"Wonder if things could have been done differently?" He locked gazes with her again. "So do I, everyday. Maybe things could have been done differently. Maybe there was a solution I just didn't see." He stopped, closing his eyes. "But when I think like that I have to remind myself that it's in the past. Nothing I do will reverse the actions I took."

She stared down at her feet, watching the wind push the sand across the ground. "I'm sorry..."

He touched her chin gently, lifting her head back up to face him. "You've nothing to be sorry for," he replied. "In fact, I should be thanking you. You saved my life."

She blinked at him. "What are you talking about?" she exclaimed, blushing at the intimacy of his action. How could it be he was being so gentle with her when they had had a hand in his suffering? Had they followed him after him with Legato... "If we hadn't been there, maybe you wouldn't have had—"

A finger to her lips effectively silenced her. "It was an accident – one that's in the past, remember?" He nodded at his own words. "How did you put it...?" Closing his eyes in concentration he recited the words slowly. "_'...a terrible and tragic death. The death of a madman's pawn, the death of an honest man's spirit._'"

Legato... somehow he had come to terms with his brother's passing and yet the death of the jaundice-eyed mind reader still plagued him—

Hold on... she played his sentence back in her head. Those were her words; how had he known about that? Meryl was gawking at him now, her mind going back the incident in her room. He had been standing right behind her... He... had read her work!?

He smiled sadly. "Knives _was_ crazy..." he replied softly. "I guess I'm willing to admit that now..."

She could barely get her vocal chords to function. "You... read what I wrote..."

He merely nodded. "I was kinda worried..." he replied. "You'd been cooped up in that room of yours for days... I guess I kinda got curious about what you were up to." He let out a nervous laugh. "I figured you were writing something, but I didn't think it'd be about me... well, you had your reports and all, but that was different..." Deciding he had rambled enough, he simply shut up.

Meryl merely blinked. She didn't know what to say. He looked at her hesitantly. "You're not mad, are you...?"

Should she have been? She had been writing about him, after all; if anyone should be upset... "Are you...?"

He shook his head. "You were right about what you said... I think a part of me did die that day." He looked down at the ground. "I'd spent so long living my life according to that vow... when I broke it, I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't think I could keep on going."

All the empty stares and hours of silence, moments of panic when he wasn't in his room and hours spent searching for him, nights of agonized cries in the dark... Meryl remembered it all. She'd been so frightened when she'd walked back into the house that day – she'd thought they'd lost him for good.

She thought _she'd_ lost him for good.

"But then you were there in front of me," He was smiling down at her now, this time for real. "Standing in front of all those upset people... you reminded me that everyone makes mistakes... and that we can be forgiven for them so long as we learn from them."

"_No one...no one has the right to take the life of another..._"

She'd said that then, not realizing she had uttered the same words to Legato. He had tried to turn her own beliefs against her – could he have possibly known what would occur in the aftermath?

"And what of Knives...?" She immediately regretted her words as she watched the color drain from his face.

"I wish I could have saved him..." he replied softly, his eyes hazing over. "I wish I could have been strong enough to make him see..." He trailed off, taking a deep breath. "But I couldn't – he didn't want to see.

"I really didn't know what to do..." His hands were trembling slightly and when she took notice of them, he shoved them back into his pockets again. "Everything seemed pointless... but I remembered,"

Meryl froze as his gaze refocused on her. He took a few purposeful steps forward, quickly closing the distance between them. "I promised you I would come back."

He had come back...for her...? "Vash-san..."

Some of the color returned to his face as he gave her a small smirk. "Do you always have to add the –san on the end, Short Girl?" he asked her. "It makes me sound old."

That was Vash for you; never wanting to dwell on the bad things. Had she not been so shocked, she would have made some remark about his level of maturity. He was so much like a child sometimes – but that was one of the things that caused her to fall head over heels for him in the first place.

Flushing like a schoolgirl, she replied softly, "Do you..." She found herself suddenly short of breath. "...always have to call me Short Girl?"

He blinked at her. "You don't like that...?"

"It... seems so impersonal..." she replied. "You _do_ know my name, don't you?"

"Of course." His expression was apologetic for a moment before turning to nervousness. "Call me simple," he began.

"Simple."

He stuck out his tongue before running a hand through his hair – a sure sign of his anxiety. Meryl tilted her head to the side; what did he have to be nervous about? "Well, you see," he went on. "I've never said your name 'cuz I guess it would make it all the more real."

She frowned. "Make what all the more real?" His expression turned intense once again. Meryl recognized as a look she'd been many times before, although she didn't know its meaning. "Vash-sa... Vash...?"

"My feelings for you."

End Chapter 4

Author's Notes - Well... bet you guys weren't expecting that, were ya? Next chapter's the last... see how the two come to grips with all that's happened. See ya!


	6. Closure

Disclaimer – Trigun belongs to the honorable Nightow-sama... not me. So don't sue!

Chapter 5

Meryl felt her world tilt once again. "Your feelings...?"

Vash felt like letting out a deep breath; it was almost as if a heavy weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. Wolfwood had been right – confession was good for the soul.

Now it was her watching him, waiting for his response, "Vash...?"

Could he possibly go through with this? He found his courage wavering. '_Damn it... bail out!_'

For someone who could stand down an angry mob and not break a sweat, he found it exceedingly difficult to maintain his composure. Just looking at her and imagining all the various reactions she could have made him want to curl up and slink away. Panicking, he let out that false laugh of his, turning away from her.

"No... nothing," he replied, slowly edging away from her. "Forget I said anything, Meryl—"

Everything froze.

'_Shit! Shit! Shit! Shiiiiit!_'

'_He said my name... he actually said my name!_' Meryl felt as if she were going to burst. However, reality returned very quickly as she found the object of her consternation trying to discreetly slink away. '_He— he's walking away?!_' She frowned in frustration. '_The **hell** he is..._'

"Just where do you think **you're **going?"

Vash let out a wail as the one feared as Derringer Meryl grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, yanking her to face him. Balance effectively thrown off, he landed on his butt in the sand at her feet. Out of reflex, his hands shot up to protect his head from the beating he was almost certain to get.

"Do you really think I'm that _stupid_?" she exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at him. He knew better than to answer that one. "You're not getting off that easily, mister, you brought me out here for a reason – I know it!"

"Really...?" Strangely enough, her anger at him was somewhat comforting. So he _was_ a masochist, after all. Go fig.

However, just as soon as it had come, her anger faded away, leaving her to lower herself to his level with a heavy sigh. She lowered her head, closing her eyes.

"Meryl...?" He reached out a tentative hand to touch her.

"Don't." she replied. "Just don't."

Golden brows furrowed in confusion as he pulled back. What had just happened? What was wrong with his Meryl? '_Hold on – MY Meryl?_'

"You're so cruel..." she murmured. "You open up to me just to pull away again..." Her hands clenched in her lap. "Why...?"

Well, that wasn't exactly fair. She wasn't really _Miss Congeniality_ herself. "You do the same thing, too, you know."

She turned to face him angrily. "That's because I have to!" she exclaimed. "If you ever found out that I—" Surprise skirted across both their faces before she clapped a hand over her mouth, turning to stare at the sand again.

"That you what...?" he prompted, some underlying tone evident in his voice.

'_Oh hell..._' Things were already awkward between them, what was the point in lying? "That I..." She turned back to face him only freeze as he leaned down towards her. His lips brushed against hers in the lightest of kisses. Had she not already been wide-awake, she would have thought she dreamt it.

Moving away slowly, his eyes lidded slightly, he only gazed at her blinkingly. "I've... wanted to do that for a while now..."

'_He kissed me...? Vash just kissed... me?!_'

"But what..." She swallowed, taking a deep breath. "Does that mean...?"

He blinked again, seemingly coming back down from whatever cloud he had been floating on.

"I don't know," he admitted sheepishly. "I could try it again, if you like." And before Meryl could even mutter any sort of protest, he leaned forward again with a kiss much deeper than the first.

Overcome, Meryl found herself leaning towards him, a hand gripping the fabric of his shirt. She clung to him like a lifeline up until her body began to demand oxygen replenishment.

A goofy grin spread across Vash's face as he brought a hand up to his lips. "Wow," he breathed. "That was better than I thought it'd be."

Embarrassed, Meryl turned away from him. Why was he playing with her? "Don't joke like that..."

"I'm not." She glanced back him, his expression suddenly intense again. How was it he could switch emotions so easily? "I meant what I said earlier, you know." She merely looked at him. "You saved my life." He looked down at her hand still clutching his shirt before placing his hand on top of it. "When I really think about it, you saved my soul."

"I..." She wasn't sure of what to say.

Vash cut her off, "Funny thing is, when you stood in front of me that day, the only thing I could think of at first was how much you reminded me of Rem – your belief in people, your willingness to believe in me even after all the things that had happened to you because of me. You stood up for me, despite all that had happened. You were strong – stronger than me."

"I'm not stronger than you, Vash!" Meryl exclaimed. "I'm--" He shook his head.

"And then when the three of us were alone there, and I was holding you..." Meryl blinked at the tinge of pink spreading across his face. "I realized that there are so many more sides to you than just the Insurance Girl – I had just ignored them in favor of the bigger picture... but holding you there, I realized how close I had come to losing. Losing you." He looked down at her, his aqua eyes shining. "I didn't ever want to lose sight of you again."

"But you left again..."

"I know... but I had to," Vash's face took a pained expression briefly. "But I came back... I came back to you."

For lack of anything else to do, Meryl let out a short sigh. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Didn't know how, I guess," he replied with a shrug. "Besides, I wasn't sure how you'd take it. After all, what can a donut-scarfing Needle-noggin like me offer you but armloads of trouble?"

She laughed, and Vash found himself smiling once again. "The same thing some loud, bitchy, bossy old know-it-all who nags at you all the time can, I guess."

This time he laughed also. "Vash...?"

He looked down at her questioningly. "Hm?"

"Do you think that you'd ever..." She looked down at her feet, feeling embarrassed once again. "Feel as strongly about anyone as you did Rem?"

"No." She forced herself not to look up lest he see the hurt on her face. "What I felt for Rem was kinda like what a son feels for his mother... but I..." He chuckled. "I feel something like it – a little stronger maybe – right now."

"Oh..." Her voice sounded so small, even to herself. Was this what Derringer Meryl had been reduced to? Scrounging up her courage, she forced herself to meet his gaze, which was still focused on her. "Towards who?"

Then something miraculous happened. A smile appeared on his face, brighter and truer than any she had ever seen. So honest was it that she felt tears pricking at her eyes at the mere sight of it.

"Towards you, Meryl." He replied. "Towards you."

She blinked, completely stunned.

He leaned towards her, his face mere inches away from hers. "When you saved my soul that day," he replied softly. "You also took my heart." '_Damn, I'm cliché!_' "I'm in love with you, Meryl."

Well, there were two ways she could respond to this. One was to turn into a sobbing heap in his arms, professing her undying love for him as well. However, that didn't quite seem like something quite fair. Besides, after all the mental and emotional duress he had put her through, should she let him have it easy?

Of course not; that just wasn't Derringer Meryl's style.

Meryl's mouth closed over his as she initiated a deep and passionate kiss that would have stood his hair on end had it not already been in its usual stick-straight hairstyle. After a few seconds, she pulled away from him, smiling.

"I'm in love with you, too, Vash." She replied.

His eyes lit up in joy. "Really?"

"Really." With that, she pulled back away from him.

Before he could ask what she was doing, Vash's eyes widened in horror as her fist came flying out of nowhere. It sliced through the air with record speed, colliding with is face and sending him crashing into the ground. After sliding backwards a few feet, he collected his jaw in his hand, looking up in bewilderment. "Hey, just what the hell was that f—"

His mouth snapped shut at the furious look she gave him. "THAT'S for being such a Needle Noggin!!" With that, she began her stomping trek back towards the house.

For a few moments Vash merely stared after her blinkingly. Yow... he worked his jaw experimentally. Meryl Stryfe wasn't your average Insurance Agent – hell, she wasn't your average anything.

And he loved her.

000

Although she tried to maintain her furious façade, Meryl could not keep the grin from her face. He loved her – he had actually said so himself. Her mind went briefly through all the hardships they had overcome with him. Was there any doubt in her mind of her feelings for him?

'_No... none whatsoever_.'

Legato had tried to twist her mind against him... to make her hate Vash the way everyone else seemed to. But little did he realize how futile a task that had been when she had already been in love with him.

In her eyes, Vash was a good and honest man. He always would be.

"Hey, Meryl... wait for me, will ya? Aaah, you're so cruel to me, Meerrrrryllll!!!"

He'd always be a Needle-noggin, too, but that was beside the point.

She had thought that day in LR had been the worse day of her life – perhaps it had been. However, it was also the beginning of many, many more.

Vash finally caught up to her, slipping his hand into hers. She found herself giving him a small smile that which he eagerly returned.

Many more days with Vash? Meryl couldn't wait.

End

Author's Notes –Wow... the ending didn't really come out like a wanted it, but really that's no one's fault but my own. I had started writing this with no intention of including Knives, but it was brought to my attention that his at least being mentioned was integral to the plot of the story. He is the real reason behind Vash's constant suffering after all, so he **needs** to be mentioned.

However, seeing since I had meant for this to be only 4 chapters (of course, it isn't, but that's really no surprise) I got a bit lazy and hurriedly explained the whole resolution with Knives. It's a cop out, I know, and I apologize for that, but I couldn't really think of anything else without going too far off on a tangent. The point of this fic was merely to focus on how the events of LR affected Meryl and Milly – Meryl especially – and I had already deviated from that. Again, my bad.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this brief little ficlet. Once again, I got an idea and just had to get it out of my system – I'm sure you understand. I want to thank everyone for his or her reviews and constructive criticisms. They mean a whole lot to me.

(Wow, this author's note is a bit more depressing than I'd thought it'd be... maybe it's cause of the track I was listening to... can't think of the name of it off hand, but it was track 9 off Chevelle's new cd... which I LOVE! Actually, the fact that it's after midnight might be a factor, too... )

Erm... got on a tangent again... damn, those things are pain, ain't they?

Anywhoo... remember the 3 R's of fanfiction, guys...

Reading

Writing

Reviewing

Ja matta ne!


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